Really, there’s a lot to like about SWP. He’s an honest, hard-working, winger; not afraid to tackle back, even if his enthusiasm usually outweighs his defensive talents. More than that, his overall work-rate, if measured in terms of yards covered per game, endears him to me. The Premiership is full of lazy wingers who frankly can’t be arsed; SWP shows them all up for the lackadaisical bastards they are. He’s also English and managing to hold down a first team place in our top flight.
So why do I hate him?
He reminds me of the kids I used to play football with at school, who would kick the ball into the farthest corner of the playground where no-one else could be bothered to chase it; winning the ball from everyone else by sheer, mindless, attrition. The trouble is — just like those kids I played with — once SWP has the ball, the odds are he’ll do something absolutely pointless with it.
If SWP is not running head first into a centre half twice his size, then he’s playing the ball into utterly unproductive positions. Yes Shaun, if you run the ball into a tight corner — thirty yards and an impossible angle from goal — you achieve precisely nothing. Like the kids in the playground, kicking the ball miles from where the game was actually taking place, you also have the ball all to yourself. Well done lad. Unfortunately, although it is a simple game, football ain’t that simple.
Which brings me onto my next, and strongest, complaint about SWP.
What is the point of a winger who can’t cross the ball? We can forgive poor old right-footed Joe Cole, stuck out there on England and Chelsea’s left wing, having to cut inside every time he gets the ball in an advanced position. But SWP is a right-footer, cannot even cross from the right wing! His endless squandering of possession for England drives me mad, but if I was a Man City fan I would be unable to attend matches without a generous valium prescription.
The weird thing is though, people love SWP. Next time Man City are playing, check out the BBC’s player rater; I can practically guarantee that he’ll be man of the match.
To some degree, I can understand this. Even though SWP lacks footballing intelligence and technique, compared to the other twenty-one players on the pitch, at least he appears to be doing something. However, what these fans fail to realise is just what SWP is doing: Continuously wasting their team’s posession and disrupting any hope of a proper build up of attacking football.
